Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
