I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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