Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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