Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
