Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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