I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
