we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
