READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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