Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
