bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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