so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
