The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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