Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
