What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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