I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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