i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
