She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
