I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
