Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
