i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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