my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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