just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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