craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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