he puts the penis in happiness.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
