This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
