I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
