I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Welp...herpes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
