Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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