I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
