and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
