I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Success! We fucked roommates!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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