And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
