someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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