i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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