i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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