i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
