oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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