I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
