So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
