Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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