# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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