he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
