I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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