We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
