He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
