he wants to bone in the snuggie
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
