hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
