Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
