You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
