oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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