I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
